A call late evening, 2 days ago.
‘Tok Chik’ my wife stressed, ‘She is sick...very sick, you better come see her, tell your mom too’.
I called mom and together with my wife went to visit her a day later. I was feeling feverish from a day before but I had to go see my grandfather’s sister whom we affectionately called Tok Chik. We arrived at around 5pm to a semi large gathering of close relatives. My wife drove since she knew Shah Alam better than me. I owe her one.
After the customary handshakes and hand kissing, we proceeded into Tok Chik’s room. It’s downstairs near the living room. She lay with her eyes closed, the pillows and mattress propped up to support her semi upright position. She is sleeping, beside her on a pillow is a dark Hewlett Packard PDA on speakers playing Quranic verses, the sounds emanating from it seems to calm the nerves of the visitors especially me. I looked around her room; on her dresser I can see old pictures from bygone days and news paper clippings featuring her. I was attracted to a larger newspaper print in a DIY frame. It is about her and the Malaysian flag she helped made for our country independence. She was among the many prominent Johoreans whom helped Dato Onn Jaafar form UMNO and rally the Malay folks against Malayan Union. Tok Chik was a strong woman; she raised 5 of her kids almost single handedly after her husband passing. The matriarch before me is still strong at 82, the pain she is now enduring would make a grown up man like me crumble, that I am sure.
‘Tok’ my mom called out, ‘Tok Chik, nih Eton, Tok kenal lagi tak?’
She did not answer. I reached out to rub her hand, ‘Tok Chik’ I called. Her hands are cold probably from the air conditioning.
She opened her eyes briefly, she seems to acknowledge us and she went back to sleep. She is tired, we are told from the many visitors that come and go that day. L****, the second eldest daughter was with us the entire time. At 60 plus, she looks 40 and have the gusto of a 30 year old. All her daughters have that trait. They look younger than their age, outspoken, well educated, well travelled and looked upon themselves as equal if not better than their male counterparts. I have seen them dress down a male relative in a debate, you would want these girls on your side in an argument.
After that we adjourned to the living room for tea. As a normal custom in my family, there is a lot of food on the table, way too much food. I brought along lepat pisang, pisang goreng and a box of carrot cake from Secret Recepi. On the table there is pengat pisang, bread pudding, apom, cakes and fruits. The atmosphere in the room changed considerably. My wife started to serve me the bread pudding along with tea. She can read minds, I thought. The extra cream she put on my bread pudding confirmed the fact that she at least could read mine.
‘Mak dah cakap’ M****, the 3rd oldest daughter spoke in a joking tone ‘Mula-mula je sedih, nanti dah semua sedara mara datang, kecoh lah rumah’. M just came back from Perth where she works in the Malaysian Embassy. She told me that she is 57, but she looks a tad under 40.
None of them wore head coverings, like the many in my family which includes my 2 sisters but that hides the fact that these girls are religious and are competent in religion. They just don’t wear head covering because they don’t think it is necessary. They dress modestly and will tell you point blank that having a head covering does not make you a better Muslim and if you are smart, you better leave it at that. Many male relatives learned the hard way; I have no intention of making the same mistake.
B**, the 4th eldest was the host. She is a Professor and heads a campus for the preparations of students before the government sends them overseas to do medicine, engineering, business and other courses in UK, Germany, Middle East, India and Russia. She is also my wife’s big boss and at 52, she does not seem to be considering retirement. Joke around us is that she is an anak merdeka, she was born in 1957. Her mother was pregnant with her when she was sewing the merdeka flag and she was delivered about 42 days after Independence. These details were in the newspaper clippings in her mom’s room. Loud, boisterous and outspoken, she seems quiet today leaving her sisters to do most of the talking. I am not putting any money for this condition to continue however.
The conversation around the room spiral around plays (Les miserables, Cats), overseas trips, food stalls in Plaza Damas where they serve authentic Johorean mee rebus plus satay to the going ons in the family. It also went around religion.
‘I don’t understand nowadays why people say that it is prohibited to baca Yassin during visits and the practice to do 3 and 7 days of mourning’, one of the girls spoke ‘If cannot baca Yassin, what are we suppose to do then, just look around each other..?’ She continued ‘Anyway, I don’t understand their reasoning in these matters...whatever you call them’
‘Invention’ I spoke out ‘The people called these thing inventions because it was not done during the Prophet era’.
‘Yes’ my mom spoke out ‘but, we are not going against Islamic teachings by reading Yassin which is also from the Quran. People also criticized the kemenyan we burn with setanggi’
Kemenyan, is sort of an incense that Malays usually burn with setanggi which gives a nice smell. It is widely believed that setanggi will hide the smell of a corpse thus not subjecting the visitors to the smell of a dead body. The reason is a valid reason, but through time it has acquired a bad image through the bomoh and voo-doo practises which also uses kemenyan and setanggi. IMO, it is the same with perfumes, we use it to smell nice which is permitted. You can also use it to flaunt wealth, pick up men or other wrong factors which make it haram; it depends on your intention. Not everything is so clear cut. I remembered when I was studying years ago, the Muslim communities were so certain that perfumes are haram because it contains alcohol. Since I was chemistry major, I pointed out that even fruits contain alcohol but we can eat them so the reasoning that perfumes cannot be applied because it contains alcohol does not make sense. Alcohol for intoxification is wrong, not the alcohol itself. Alcohol is used since heydays to disinfect humans thus saving a great many lives, it is a noble substance. Muslim scholars would serve the community better by not commenting on issues they do not specialize in. It creates confusion.
The topic quickly changed to handbags, specifically Coach handbags. It seems that one of the sisters had a huge stash of handbags and purses she brought from the US where she is staying. My wife picked a cute purse and agreed to the price. I will be expected to contribute to the purchase, that I am sure and do willingly.
Conversations free flowed, guest intermingle like they know each other for years and food readily consumed. Everyone is truly relaxed. A few more visitors arrived, more handshakes and more food. My mom was busy taking M phone number in Australia; she planned to go there next October as according to M, it is spring then and the best time to travel. I met some nieces and nephews I have never seen in years. This is D’s daughter, someone said. The beautiful girl bent to kiss my hands, she looks older than 13, I retract before her lips met my hands like my late father usually do. Ohh, this is A, B’s daughter, someone else said, kiss your uncle’s hand. I just smile. Come over here I am told, meet your new nephews. On and on.
Soon it was time to leave. Before leaving, we bid Tok Chik goodbye. L was in the room completing the Asar prayers, M was next. Tok Chik was still sleeping, she looks strong. I am not surprised if she outlived some of her grandchildren. 2 children was playing outside, the younger one named Omar wore a Ben 10 shirt.
‘What do I call you...fire-starter? ‘I asked.
The kid looks perplexed.
‘Heat-Blast lah’ my wife corrected me, referring to many of Ben10 aliases. The kid smiled.
‘4 arms’ the kid said. ‘I wanna be 4 arms’.
Bye Tok, see you soon.
